During a 2018 meditation retreat for NRIs, a participant asked Gurumaa, “What should I do if sleep takes over during sadhana?” Besides giving practical advice, such as taking a cold bath, Gurudev went straight to the heart of the issue. On the spiritual path, it is the fire of vairagya and love for the Master that enables the seeker to surpass all such obstacles. In this intimate sharing, Gurumaa urges us to set our priorities and maintain focus, even amidst life’s many responsibilities. She narrates anecdotes from various seekers, including episodes from her own youth.
Gurumaa: To counteract sleepiness during sadhana, taking a cold shower or bath in a river helps. A lady I met in my youth even resorted to putting Triphala in her eyes before sitting, as she was not allowed to practise during the day. I know of many sadhus who used such methods to keep awake.
Story of Guru Amar Das
Take the example of the third Sikh Guru, Amar Das. He stayed with his Master, Guru Angad Dev Ji, at the ripe age of almost 70. He would serve in his Master’s house and the congregation during the day, engaging in various chores – from cooking and cutting wood to cleaning and washing. He loved his Guru so much that in the dead of the night, he would go to the river to fill a pitcher of fresh water and bring it for his Master’s bath. Although there was a well near the house, he would still go, as river water is considered good for health. His sewa would thus start in the wee hours.
He would get time for his sadhana only at night, but would feel tired after a day of hard work. To ward off sleep, he would tie his long hair to a wooden nail in the wall – if his head drooped, the nail would pull his hair.
Amar Das lived in a small house in Goindwal, Punjab. That wooden nail is still in the wall of his room. I have been there many times and it left me in awe. He did this despite the hard work of the day and his age. There was little time to sleep, but he didn’t want to waste his time.
Fire of Vairagya
I have met such individuals who used every possible measure to do their sadhana. The fire of vairagya (dispassion) was so intense in them. Only after many lives spent in worldly pursuits does the mind realise its futility. Then arises the desire to find a Guru and do sadhana to break the shackles of ignorance. Only through experience can the mind arrive at the point where it doesn’t want to waste even a minute. Unfortunately, I see myself as a bit of a failure, because despite giving everything, people are still stuck in ego, greed and worldliness. They still don’t get it – there is a deficiency of dispassion.
Imagine someone you love is struggling for life, and you take that person to the hospital ICU – would you be able to sleep that night? No. Even if someone says, “I'll sit here and take care. You go and have rest,” you say, “No, I can’t rest, I have to be here.”
Or a mother who has given birth to her child after carrying it in the womb for nine months. No one teaches her, but she would wake up from even a gentle murmur by her baby, to check if the child is all right. And if the child falls sick, she will be with the child – would she go out and party that day?
If worldly attachment can do this, why can’t love for God do it to you? We are all capable of doing seemingly impossible things, but we do them only when pushed into it by our attachment. You are so good at living your worldly relationships, but poor at living the Guru-shishya relationship. So, somewhere there isn’t such a deep love for the Guru or God, hence, it becomes so difficult.
A beautiful Gurbani shabad says: “As the fish cannot live without water, as the mother cannot live without her child, as the Chakvee bird cannot live without the moon, how can I live without my Guru?” It expresses these pangs of love tugging at the seeker’s heart. “How can I sleep? Life is short, and there is so much work to do. How can I waste my time doing stupid things?”
Why Buddha Left His Palace
Once, someone asked Buddha why he renounced his palace, wife and son. Wasn’t it possible to attain Truth there? He said, “It’s not that Truth was not available in the palace, but I was incapable of seeing it there – I had neither the eyes, the mind, nor the time to see it. That is why I left home.” At home, Buddha would have spent his time looking after his family and the kingdom. Where is the time to look for Truth?
A Young Seeker Taking Sannyas
I recall one episode from my youth, when I was about 12. I used to visit and listen to one Swamiji, although it was difficult to understand his pure Vedanta at that time.
There was a smart-looking girl from a wealthy family in Haryana, around 20 years of age, and I really liked her. Every time I went there, I was fascinated to observe what she was doing. She was like a personal attendant of her Guru and managed things there. One day, as Swamiji sat in the garden with a dozen people, I saw her serving her Guru. After a while, she sat and looked at him, and I heard she would get sannyas. I thought, my God, that’s the age when you look for a girlfriend or boyfriend, not for sannyas!
The next year, she became a sannyasi wearing ochre clothes and a new name, Brahmachetana. She patted me and asked how I was doing. I said, “I am fine, but how are you doing?” She said, “I am so, so happy. I am doing what I intended to do with this life – being with the master, serving, listening to his eloquent talks and doing sadhana.” And she looked even prettier after sannyasa! You know, something changes. She looked radiant, happy to be a sadhu.
Why did she do this? Couldn’t she have done her sadhana at home? She could, but then she would have to do so much other stuff with little time for sadhana. The choice is either you do lukewarm, itsy-bitsy sadhana, or you go and take that wild plunge – so she took that plunge. That is the height of vairagya.
Seek God First
Jesus said, “Seek God first, and everything else comes thereafter.” He could have said it differently, how you would have liked it: “Do a little sadhana, some job and this and that, it’s okay. God is happy, I am happy.” No! Jesus gives an outright and rebellious statement. No wonder he was crucified! The world doesn’t like this kind of statement.
One who has vairagya will surely give time for sadhana, and those who practice properly will never be overpowered by sleep. If the contrary happens, it just shows a lack of sadhana.
Yes, I can give some tips, like taking a cold bath or doing yogasanas before meditation. These will definitely wake you up.
But again, it’s all about our approach and how needy we are. People usually come to me for these reasons: “Ashram is nice, food is nice, gardens are nice, people are nice, Gurumaa is nice, so let’s have a nice time.” They come and have a nice time, and then return to their lives. But this is not about niceties, it is about how important it is for you to learn and practise what I teach. What matters is the zeal and fire in you.
Anecdotes From Gurumaa’s Youth
After eighth standard, I didn’t want to study or pursue any worldly stuff, but my family and Vidya Guru pressured me to complete my education. College felt like a jail. I just wanted to do my practices and listen to or read Vedanta. The 3rd and 4th periods in college were free, which gave me a good hour. I had some solitary spots, such as the chemistry lab – a filthy corner of the college not even the staff would frequent. After a while, smells don’t matter. There I could do whatever I wanted, be it reading, sitting in meditation or doing my tratak.
I narrate this because when you want to do something, you do it. And when you don’t want to, you will find a million excuses.
Love Is the Key
One more story, from tenth standard. One morning, I went to the Ashram of my Vidya Guru and heard he would leave for a long tour. I was heartbroken and started to cry, “He’s going? With whom will I sit? Who will teach me now?” In my school uniform and crying, I cycled to school. Skipping the assembly, I reached early and sat alone, still crying. As others arrived, they began asking, “Why are you crying?” I said, “My grandfather died!” They all consoled me, without asking too many questions. Later, someone bought me lunch, and another got me a Thumbs Up to drink. They consoled and cared for me, but in my heart, I was laughing.
Love is the key. I loved my Vidya Guru so much that the mere idea of his departure was enough to kill my heart. It brought me into that zone where the world did not exist for me. He repeatedly insisted, “Do your sadhana, do your sadhana.” Of course, I would take it as a command.
So, I went through school and college, and on top of that, did household chores. But what was important was my sadhana. When your heart sings the song of love, you don’t need anyone to teach you. The day this happens, someone from within will be teaching you. You will get all the support, motivation and security from within. You will never worry about your welfare and the future, because you are so secure in this love. Be it life or death, love wins over everything.
Unwavering Focus
Some work or responsibility will be on us as long as we live. But the point is to do everything, yet never lose the focus and direction of how we wish to live. Do not pay too much attention to worldly stuff. If you are intelligent, you will do any task well and efficiently, so why worry? When it is time to work, work. But once the working hours are over, this is your time. Make use of it as much as you can.
Seekers like Amar Das went the extra mile to keep themselves up, never compromising their sadhana. So, even if it is late at night, don’t skip it – do it. Practise your asanas and pranayama regularly. Give time to yourself. If possible, give at least half an hour to read or listen; that is a must. You can also do it while commuting. Live your life wisely, making use of every moment.
